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[Ms. M: reposting my Note as a comment since the "share to Notes" isn't working the way it should -- the comment isn't posted as such.]

Your comments about "harm" and Joyce's article in The Critic remind me of a favourite couple of quotes on her topic of being offended:

"Those who claim to be hurt by words must be led to expect nothing as compensation. Otherwise, once they learn they can get something by claiming to be hurt, they will go into the business of being offended.”

https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/5539805-those-who-claim-to-be-hurt-by-words-must-be

And Stephen Fry's somewhat more "pithy":

“It's now very common to hear people say, 'I'm rather offended by that.' As if that gives them certain rights. It's actually nothing more... than a whine. 'I find that offensive.' It has no meaning; it has no purpose; it has no reason to be respected as a phrase. 'I am offended by that.' Well, so fucking what."

https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/706825-it-s-now-very-common-to-hear-people-say-i-m-rather

But quite a good essay by Lewis at The Atlantic that I'd read not long after it was first published there. Fairly balanced and quite thorough, but I thought that it too suffered from the common failing of not saying exactly was meant by "gender". If pretty much everyone has a different and quite antithetical definition for or understanding of the concept -- which largely seems the case -- then it is maybe not surprising that society is so unable to fashion workable policies to deal its problematic consequences.

Apropos of which, you might have some interest in a rather lengthy book by transwoman and evolutionary biologist Joan Roughgarden. I think he/she has some questionable biases of his/her own, but their Chapter 2 on "Sex versus Gender" has some useful insights and perspectives:

" 'Masculine' and 'feminine' [genders] refer to the distinguishing traits possessed by most males and females respectively. Crossgender appearance and behavior are also possible. For example, if most

females have vertical stripes on their bodies and males do not, then a male with vertical stripes is a “feminine male.” If most males have antlers and females do not, then a doe with antlers is a “masculine female.' ..." [pg. 28]

https://teoriaevolutiva.files.wordpress.com/2013/10/joan_roughgarden_evolutions_rainbow_diversitybookos-org1.pdf

He/she is, of course, talking about species other than humans, but the terminology still seems to provide some illumination. But of particular note in the above quote is the idea of "masculine" and "feminine" being the two halves of a "gender binary", but that does not preclude the idea that each half is a spectrum in themselves. The same way that we might reasonably talk about the two halves of the colour spectrum -- the reddish half and the bluish half, each comprised of a myriad of other colours.

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